Ep 199 | Try THIS formula for quality conversations with your kid!

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Be present, listen, participate, because they're gonna remember that when they're older. Because you will get in the car with teenagers and you know, tweens. You'll get in the car. Oh, how was your day? That's the worst thing you can ever ask. And I asked it every single day. And many, many, many times I would get the eye roll or the fine. And so that's when you almost have to just be quiet and let them open up to you.

SPEAKER_00 0:40

Welcome to the Voices United in Education podcast. Each week we showcase the teachers, administrators, and community members who go the extra mile to contribute to the success of every child in Escambia County. You'll meet the real people behind the titles and learn about the amazing resources to support your child's success. Balancing it all can feel like a unicorn we're all chasing. But for parents, there is an added layer of wanting to find time to meaningfully connect with your kid. But how? My next guest is the publisher of Greater Pensacola Parents Magazine. And today she's going to share how she has learned to facilitate car conversations for easy and on-the-go connection, and how her magazine has created a virtual village that we can all glean from. Collaborating, connecting, and collecting Lynn Knighton. Thanks for being here. Thank you for having me. I'm very, I'm very excited to be here. Okay, so not only are you the publisher of Greater Pensacola Parents Magazine, but you have a boatload of lived experience because you have three children. How old are they now?

SPEAKER_01 1:49

They're all about to have birthdays. So 25, 22, and 21. And they're all girls. So yes, I do have the benefit of hindsight. You do. And I do. I do. So anytime I talk about anything, it's not because I was a great parent or had it all together because goodness knows, I still don't. But I've made a lot of mistakes and hopefully others learn from.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

Well, yeah. Yeah, you have wisdom. And what I love about the magazine is it seems like a collective of I know wisdoms is not a word, but I kind of feel like it should be for the magazine. Right. I agree. And it's searchable wisdoms because you can, oh, I need to learn about this. And everything is kind of neatly laid out on the online version of the magazine. And one article actually that caught my eye was about those quality conversations with kids that can happen in the car. And I thought, oh, this is such a good sample of what you have to offer in the magazine. Because I don't think I've ever not heard a parent talk about how, okay, we got, you know, kid number one and we're good. And then kid number two is totally different. And they're like, I don't even know how to communicate with kid number two.

SPEAKER_01 3:05

Oh, 100%. It is so amazing to me that the three children we have raised by the same parents in the same house with the same rules, have turned, I mean, they're completely different. And the way we parented each what one of them was different. We had to learn that through trial and error. But yeah, we got there eventually, I think. But you're right. I love the magazine because I personally use the resources. And that's how we started. Uh, I have some friends in Montgomery, Alabama, who have a magazine up there. And that's where we're originally from many, many years ago. And when I moved to the area, I thought, wow, I really missed that resource. Maybe they would help me do something like this. And it was just great because so many parents are looking for these different resources. They're looking to find what summer camps are out there. They're looking to see what's going on in the schools. They're wanting to know what events are coming up for the family. And to have all that in one place, I again, I can't take credit for coming up with the idea, but it was something I needed and I wanted and I missed. And it's been so fun and rewarding to me personally to join together with these resources to bring this out. I love that. Yeah. Well, it's like your your motto or your slogan. Right. Voices united in education is the name of this. Every child's success. Yeah. Voices united in education for everyone's success. And I think that is something so powerful in that statement because I thought about it when I saw it and I thought, that's so applicable to everything in a parent's life. United in sports for the success of every child, and united in family for the success of every child, united in community. And so when y'all say you're united in education, I thought, wow, what a powerful statement.

SPEAKER_00 5:16

I could really see you resonating with that because I also felt that when I was looking at your online magazine, I was like, oh wow, these are like cousins. The podcast in the magazine. Yeah. So let's go back to that article real quick. So it was about a quality conversations. And it really was so relatable and so real. But I wanted to ask you about the car part of having conversation. Because when people think about quality conversations, especially if those people are women, we think about nose-to-nose conversation, not shoulder to shoulder. So a car is not the first thing that we think of when we think of like, gee, where should I go to really help my teenager open up? So what's the magic with the car?

SPEAKER_01 6:00

Well, they're less guarded because they're not, they know, I think subconsciously, they know you're paying attention to the road, you've got other things. They're not so that they don't feel like they're so under the microscope. Like you're just, you know, staring them down. It's an inquisition, you're gonna pull out the flashlight or something. It's it's just magical. And when they're younger and you get them in the car, a lot of times they're excited to share everything. And and I just encourage parents, even if you've heard the story five million times, and they're going on and on about something that you're thinking, okay, be present, listen, participate, because they're gonna remember that when they're older. Because you will get in the car with teenagers and you know, tweens, you'll get in the car. Oh, how was your day? That's the worst thing you can ever ask. And I asked it every single day, and many, many, many times I would get the eye roll or the fine. And so that's when you almost have to just be quiet and let them open up to you. They will eventually, it may not be at that moment, they may bring up something, or it may be in conversation with other kids in the car, and you're listening and hearing what's going on in their lives, and you can participate and give you know feedback. The car is a time to let them relax and open up. I will say, and again, I speak from failures, not successes. I will never ever say that I have all the answers or I'm a great parent or anything like that. I just think we're all out there trying to do the very best we can. But lecturing in the car, they'll shut down. The car is the time to be open and let them talk and do the talking. And, you know, that's a good time to let them open up. They're a little more relaxed, they're focused on what else is where you're going to, and they know they're a little, they're a little less guarded.

SPEAKER_00 8:27

Hmm. That's such good advice. There was also an a different article, but kind of along the same vein. Shannon Dean, she was a guest contributor. Yes. And she's great. She said something that you're saying also in another way, which is that you don't have to pretend dragons are real. You just need to care that they care.

SPEAKER_01 8:50

Yes. It's easy to say this when you're not in the busyness of the day. It's easy to forget it when you're in the busyness of the day. But uh these are little human beings and they're so interesting. And it's so cool to hear what's going through their mind and hear what they're picking up on. And it's really cool. And again, if you're in the busyness of the day and you're thinking, oh my goodness, I cannot listen to this. I get you. Been there, done that. But on the days that you can think about it, you know, you'll really get a lot out of it. Yeah. It's really fun.

SPEAKER_00 9:35

Because there is a lot of repetition. Yes. You know, I drove, yeah, I used to drive kids to school and they were, you know, different kids, and they all talked about YouTube. All of them. And it was like, wow, there's a lot of repetition here with YouTube. And then each of them would talk about the same corner of YouTube. You know, it was either cars or, you know, I didn't understand most of what they were saying. And so I could have used this advice to just show that you care what they care about. Tell me about Rosebud Thorn, though, because I thought this was a really genius formula for opening up.

SPEAKER_01 10:16

Yes. And again, I cannot take credit for this. A lot of what I've learned is either from articles that have come in, talking to other parents, you know, I certainly needed all the help that I could get. But an article many, many years ago that we ran in the magazine was talking about ways you can get your kids to open up and talk to you. And so it's a game called Rosebud Thorn. So when the children were elementary school age, at dinner, and again, let me just go ahead and give everybody a little breathing room. We were not the Norman Rockwell family of five sitting down to meat and potatoes and vegetables. No, it was me probably making chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, and some broccoli to have something green, sitting at the bar while my husband and I were in the kitchen checking Tuesday folders. So but we were together and it was a game called Rosebud Thorn. And the kids would name their we liked to go with the thorn first. The thorn is something that you didn't like that day. It could be you didn't do well on a test or somebody hurt your feelings. Then the rose is something that you liked for that day. Maybe you met a new friend, maybe you did well on a test, maybe you weren't you know won a foot race in PE. And then the bud is something that you're looking forward to. And so that was really fun. You'd get some really interesting answers. And I I found that the buds were really fun because then I could really pay attention to what was important to them in the future. And the thorns are good because it helps you understand where they hurt, what they're dealing with. So and we still, you know, they're in their 20s, and sometimes I'll still, when they're home on breaks, I'll still ask, okay, rosebud thorn. What's their reaction as grown adults today? They love it. Really? Yeah, and they'll ask me. Oh. And they would ask me when I was young, you know, when they were younger too. So I mean, rosebud thorn is a really fun, fun exercise just to implement. And you know, if you don't do it every night, if you do it every now and then, just whenever you think about it. But it is a fun. Why do you think sharing needs a ritual? Because life gets busy. I mean, they say the days are long and the years are short. And that is so, so, so very true. When you're in the busyness of the day, you're checking the Tuesday folders, you're making sure their outfits are clean for school, you're making sure they have their lunches packed. A day can turn into a week, can turn into a month. I mean, it it can happen so quickly. And so if you just have things in your pocket, and if you miss a day, okay. But just to have some time where you can get your kids to open up to you, just to hear what's going on with them, no pressure. It's just a fun game. It's better than the parent sitting down going, okay, so did anybody hurt your feelings today? How did you do on that test? I mean, that is an inquisition, nobody wants that.

SPEAKER_00 13:42

So yeah, and it feels very much like there's a right or a wrong answer to that, which can feel like a lot of pressure. Something else that I've noticed with teenage people is that their time is not the same as my time. You know what I mean? Like you know how time in space is different, yes, and like than our time on earth. I feel like one of us is in space and one of us is on earth. And do you know what I mean? Like, because three teenage girls, so you know, you know, and this particular person is a teenage girl. And it's like when I didn't talk to her for two weeks, it's like I was years behind. Yeah. And I don't know if that was just her or is that is that normal? It can be hours. Oh, goodness.

SPEAKER_01 14:29

Yes. Things can change in a matter of minutes, even. You know, when you have teenagers, you so badly want to get in there and converse with them and say, Okay, what's going on? Why are you sad? What's going on? Is it I was terrible at that. And I've told my kids, I'm sorry, I can't help it. You don't have to answer my questions, but if I don't ask them, I'm going to turn to dust. And if they were in, you know, came in from school just a little grouchy, eye rolls, throwing the backpack down, going upstairs. I want to do what's wrong? Is everything okay? Was it, you know, is it friends or is it school or is it, you know, that was terrible of me to do it. But I told my kids, I said, you have permission not to answer any questions because I want to respect your space, but I want you to know that I'm here and I care. And they may come around in five minutes and talk my ear off. Or what they really like to do, honestly, though, what they really like to do is wait until you're drifting off to sleep. And then they come into your room and say, Oh mom, I've got to tell you about I am not kidding you. Last night my daughter calls me and keeps me on the phone till 1245. And finally, you know, I can't let my baby my my baby is on the phone with me, just sharing her life. And I am falling asleep thinking, I can't let her go. I can't, I'm just gonna have to stay up. But you know, you can there there'll be time to sleep another day. But yes, with the teenagers, you just have to be ready when they are because it may be in five minutes, it may be in five hours. And you know, teenagers, especially before they start driving, when you're still driving them around or going places with them, that's a teenagers are great. If you're quiet in the car, you know, we did have a rule no no headphones when you're riding in the car.

SPEAKER_00 16:41

Okay, I was just about to ask that because I noticed that Common Sense Media, yeah, who we've featured on.

SPEAKER_01 16:47

Yeah, just listen to their their I just listened to show on here. Please go listen to that episode. Thank you. It's wonderful.

SPEAKER_00 16:53

Thank you. I appreciate that. That was an unpaid advertisement, folks. But you have a whole section on the the online magazine with Common Sense Media, and that made me wonder like, what's working for parents to compete with devices when it comes to these conversational opportunities?

SPEAKER_01 17:11

Well, it it is a struggle. And I I encourage you, if you have a young child and I'm talking five or six, please, please, please try to put off technology as long as you can because it is so hard to compete with. And it's unfortunately, in my personal opinion, it's designed that way. And, you know, I've had many conversations. My kids, you know, they're older now, so again, we've got to adjust for the technology increase, but they weren't allowed to have cell phones until they were in eighth grade. And it got to the point when I knew all their friends' cell phone numbers and I would call them and say, Hey, can I speak to can I speak to Anna? And then, you know, if they get, well, I need to probably either chip in to their parents play it or get them their own. But and they were not allowed to have social media until they were in tenth grade because I worried about them placing their worth in likes and finding out who they were through letting somebody else tell them who they were. And middle school's a really, really, really tough time to be a kid without the devices. And then when you've got all this in your ear, that just makes it so much harder on them.

SPEAKER_00 18:41

You know, I think other parents need to hear that because, you know, you're I know you're kind of like buffering this advice with like, you know, me personally and all that stuff. Yes. But I think I imagine it would give some parents some reassurance that it's okay to lay down the law and be like, and and at least for certain spaces. You know, I am calling this a sharing ritual. And sometimes places that have rituals are sacred spaces. And so that could be okay, the car is a sacred space. We don't have devices, and then you know, it becomes this conversation mobile for connection that's real and in person, and you know, devices can wait. So I this was so thank you for that. I think you probably brought a lot of comfort to parents out there wondering if they're being a little too harsh.

SPEAKER_01 19:31

Right. Well, and you know, when it comes to your kids, we have got to be protective. We cannot let society raise our kids. I mean, we know what our kids need. I will say one thing I learned that was really a turning point for me as a parent was when my kids were old enough, I'm you know, betweens, early teens, when I could just be honest with them. When I didn't have to just make up something to get them to do. When I told them I said, look, the world and the companies that are out there are out there to make money. The people that are selling clothes, that are selling apps, that are selling things, they are out to make money. They do not care at all about you or your success in this world. And I'm getting on my soapbox, but they don't care about you, and I care about you, and I love you, and I want to see you be the best person that you can be, and they understood it a little more when I was just honest and real with them, and you know, told them about the dangers, and I I very much tried not to lecture because when I, you know, again, learn through mistakes. When I lectured, they shut down. But when I was just real and honest, they tended to understand more. And okay, I have have to brag because my kids have actually come to me and said, thank you for not letting us have social media too early. Oh, wow. And I was like, oh my goodness. I mean, that was so incredible to me because I I felt like, are they gonna hate me because they feel like they missed out on some something when they were, you know, younger? One of them said yes because now my Instagram is not Unicorn Rainbow Kitty 305. But yeah, and if your Instagram is unicorn rainbow kitty 305, well, you know, good for you. It's cute. It's just not something my 25 year old wants for her Instagram.

SPEAKER_00 21:56

Oh, I love I love the hindsight wisdom. I want to move now. Into kind of the the other aspects of the the magazine because I noticed that each edition has a theme. Yes. Why did you decide to organize it in that way?

SPEAKER_01 22:12

Well, there's so many things that go along with parenting. We cannot cover it in every issue. And so every month does have a theme. You know, just to throw out some examples, the April issue is our big party issue. And every issue has a resource guide based on that theme. So the April party issue has a big resource guide of places to have parties, places to rent inflatables, places to buy cakes. And it's just a guide that you can hold on to year-round as you practice your celebrations. But we also, you know, in August is our back to school issue where we have a resource guide full of after-school activities. So if you're looking for sports, gymnastics, art, you know, STEM after school projects, we have that in there. We have a fall festival directory. September is always our special needs issue with a resource guide for families who have children with special needs. And that is such a special issue to me because I I get to meet the most incredible families that do the unimaginable. They have strength and resiliency and joy. And it is it is incredible to meet and talk to all these different parents and you know work with these local resources. But yeah, it's a great way for us to, again, united in fill in the blank, it's a great way to share all the community resources out there for parents. So, you know, every month we get to share a different set of resources. You know, March is the summer camp. So any and every summer camp we can find is out there.

SPEAKER_00 24:15

Well, that's where the the collaboration piece is really shines. Do you collaborate with the schools?

SPEAKER_01 24:21

Yes. So we okay, this is one of the most popular sections of the magazine, is the school news. It is so exciting. When we have school news, so every month, all the different schools will send in pictures and stories of just things going on in the school. It may be winners of the science fair, spelling bee. It may just be a cool STEM project that the third graders are working on in class. It may be a school has won, you know, a big award. It it could be anything. And it is so special and encouraging because these teachers and these students work so very hard. And it's incredible what these schools are doing. And the resources that are available in these schools is incredible. And there's just no better way to celebrate it than to spotlight them every month. And it is so cute because I get grandmothers and mothers and dads and all. And I'm telling you, their child's picture is maybe a quarter of an inch. And they want five copies. They're cutting that bad boy out. They're cutting it out, they're laminating it. And that again, that brings me so much joy. It is truly, I am very blessed. I am very, very blessed with the opportunity to see all this first hand. And I do consider it a blessing that I get to share it with others because community is so very important and everything in it. And and it and your kids are spending so many hours in school every day. You got to get locked in with the schools. Yeah. You got to be there to support them. And your teachers can help you. They're if if you work with the school system and the teachers, they're there to support you, they're there to help you. They want to see every child succeed, as you say.

SPEAKER_00 26:27

Yeah, they really do. As we wrap up, I have to tell you, I was in the waiting room the other day waiting for a massage. And you know, so I was trying to like get my Zen on. So my phone was put away. And I looked to my left and there was a magazine. And I picked her on up and enjoyed the magazine for a little whip, a little bit. And it was, it was a vibe. And so I wanted to ask you, are people surprised when they hear that magazines are still a thing? Oh, and I hear this every now and then.

SPEAKER_01 26:57

People say, Do you ever think you'll go strictly online? Will you just do an app? No, we will not go strictly online or an app because there is something about picking up the magazine and being quiet and still and shutting off the noise. Because, like you said, we do have all of the resources are on our website. But anytime you're online, even if you're just reading a page, there's still that noise. It's not as quiet and still. You still have that, you know, light coming at you.

SPEAKER_00 27:37

It's not as kinetic, also. Exactly. Like I really it was a better homes and garden magazine, only because there wasn't, you know, a greater Pensacola Parents magazine. Otherwise, I totally would have picked that one up. But it was like it was such a kinetic experience to flip through. But then I saw like an article that I was like, dang, this is really good. I want to try this when I get home. I can't tear it out because that'd be rude. So I sure enough took my phone out and took a picture of the magazine. And then I laughed at myself at, you know, the juxtaposition of that. But this is so been such a good chat. I'm so glad that we were connected and that our magazine and podcast are close cousins and that there's more than one place to get the resources that parents need. So as we wrap up, can you tell listeners how they can find the magazine, what kinds of like advertisers or other collaborations you might be looking for?

SPEAKER_01 28:32

Well, we have over 300 locations throughout Pensacola, Gulf Breeze, Pace, and Milton, where people can pick up the magazines. So you'll find them in restaurants, of course, schools, daycares, after school activities, gymnastics, dance studios, rec centers, and of course, doctors' offices. So you can find them. We try to say anywhere parents go. If you have any trouble finding a copy, just send us a message with your zip code and I can send you locations where to find them. They usually come out around the third of every month, and they're free. They're free. And, you know, it's filled with resources. Now, you spoke about advertisers. They are free because of the support of these amazing advertisers that we have. Again, full of resources. You know, they you have every kind of advertiser, doctor's offices, summer camps, anything in between. So it the restaurants, you name it. So yes, if you pick up the magazines in a restaurant, thank them for allowing them to be free and available. If you see one of our advertisers, thank them for the support because without them, they wouldn't be free. And if you are looking in the magazine and you think, oh, I have a business or a service or an event coming up that I, you know, would like included in the community calendar, or, you know, I'm a therapist that works with special needs kids. I'd like to be in the special needs directory. Please reach out to us. My personal email is Lynn L Y N at greater pensacola parents.com. We'd love to hear from you. You can send us a message on Facebook, you can find us on Instagram, the website is greaterpensacola parents.com. We love hearing from the community.

SPEAKER_00 30:37

Well, thank you. I love talking with you today. I think you're so relatable, and I'm just really grateful. So thanks again. Thank you. It was a pleasure. Thanks for listening. Be sure to subscribe and share. Voices United in Education is a production of Escambia County Public Schools.