Ep 204 | Modern Etiquette: Who do you want to be when you grow up?

SPEAKER_01 0:00

It's leading the way for these babies to be successful. They sometimes don't understand what's next. And for us to put in realization for them that they're what's next is important. You are the nets. You are our future. And when you hear those words as a child and you keep hearing it, when we tell them you are our leaders, y'all are leaders constantly, every single day. Not only are you listening to it, you're believing it and you're working within that.

SPEAKER_02 0:32

So welcome to the Voices United in Education podcast. Each week, we showcase the teachers, administrators, and community members who go the extra mile to contribute to the success of every child in Escambia County. You'll meet the real people behind the titles and learn about the amazing resources to support your child's success. When you were little, I'm sure you remember being asked, what do you want to be when you grow up? It's a question that spurred the imagination in our younger years and gave us anxiety as we neared high school graduation. My next guests are part of a five-year strong program asking kids not what, but who do you want to be? One is the assistant principal, and the other is the curriculum and expanded curriculum coordinator. Today, both women at CAWICE will share how the elite and elegant ambassadors etiquette program is a different way to look at education. Investing in the future and caring about the details, Work Twins, Brianna English, and Pretezia Oleg Brann. Welcome to the show, ladies.

SPEAKER_01 1:41

Welcome. Thank you for having us.

SPEAKER_02 1:43

One of the things that y'all said you wanted to achieve through this program was a sense of connectedness as a member of the community. I think that's part of the reason why I love the two of you being connected at the hip because you started the same year at CAY's, correct?

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Yes. We started the same year, was it 2017? 2018.

SPEAKER_02 2:06

So this makes year eight for us. Yes. That's so cool. What is it like to have that sense of community just between the two of you? Do you feel like that trickles down benefit for the kids?

SPEAKER_00 2:16

Absolutely. We were talking about that earlier, just us seeing kids that we've known since they were in kindergarten and and then having them now in fifth grade and just being able to talk with them and connect with them. And you're not you're not having to think about all these different things like you just learned who they were over the course of years and they just feel this trust and respect for you. But it's a beautiful thing. Even with our kids that are now middle school and about to go to high school, it's crazy those connections because they are have been used to us. So it's exciting.

SPEAKER_02 2:46

Yeah. I think rapport is kind of an underdog when it comes to good outcomes. Right. You know, Brianna, when people think of etiquette, a lot of old-timey customs come to mind. You know, women with parasols and men in hats. Is there a new and an old way of approaching etiquette?

SPEAKER_00 3:06

So I believe the old way was based off of rules and based off of how you want it to be perceived on the outside. So kind of perfection, trying to achieve perfection. I feel like now the modern way is just connection and making sure you're working on yourself inwardly first and then outwardly. Looking at you as a whole person, not just how you present yourself in one particular moment.

SPEAKER_01 3:28

Yeah, correct. Yeah. Yeah. And I think when we talk about those oldie times, it's more a traditional style. And with the modern times that we're in now, we're teaching our children to have a voice and we're recognizing them as individuals and not just as items or just cookie cutter. And I think enhancing that upon them is important for them to even want to form that connection to even do the traditional style or even try to do that. So a good balance between the two is important.

SPEAKER_02 3:59

It becomes an interesting hybrid because when I think about the word etiquette in my memory as a child, I have like a visceral pushback because I was a rough and tumble soccer player. A goalie, not just a soccer player. I was the goalie. So and it to me back then it was about what you're talking about, Brianna, like fitting into a certain mold and it a little hydro crazy. And it doesn't matter how you feel or who you really are, you gotta hide that. And we saw, you know, I mean, if I could be a little, you know, I don't know, esoteric, but like in the 90s, the grunge movement was a big swing against that proper proper act like a lady, sit like a lady. You know, obviously I'm talking in female coded terms, but I think that people can identify with that. And so that's why Prategia, when you're talking about, oh no, we want your true authentic voice to come through, but bring in this layer of etiquette and this layer of like leveling up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

Yes. That's exactly what it is. We tell them we don't want to change you, we want to enhance who you already are. And that's that's important. And I think it knocks a wall down from them seeing like this is something I'm mandated to do this versus now turn into something I would like to do.

SPEAKER_02 5:22

Is there also an element of like community inclusion? Because when you think about rebelling against etiquette or like, oh, this is the way quote unquote society is, you think like, well, I'm an outsider because I'm not naturally this way. Right. And so I wonder if an invitation as an authentic young person into etiquette creates a sense of connectedness where there might otherwise be a feeling of isolation.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

Right. I think so. And I think the mentors that we choose plays a very important part with that. They're part of the community. They've seen them first as just Mr. and Mrs. Caldwell instead of my mentor. So when they seen them as they're showing them their authentic sales, we're showing them our authentic sales. It helps them be able to trust that, oh, you're not only are you saying that I can be myself, you're showing based off of your actions that you're yourself also. Absolutely. And it's possession, my mentor.

SPEAKER_02 6:19

Yeah, not that person. Yeah. And this is an invite-only program. What are the criteria to receive an invite?

SPEAKER_00 6:26

So we look at the students' grades, we look at their behavior across the board. So we start looking at them in second grade. Third, fourth, and fifth graders are the ones that normally kind of be able to go to the entrance meeting to see if they were want to participate in the ambassador program. And we just kind of look at them again, like as a whole. So we look at their qualities as a leader. What have they shown us so far as leaders? We get teacher recommendations for teachers that see maybe you have a SHA student who would really benefit from this program, but may not come forth because they're nervous or they feel like they don't have the ability to. So we look at different criteria and then we put it out there and then we see who's interested in wanting to become a part of the ambassador program, and then we go from there.

SPEAKER_02 7:11

I heard that even the custodians are somehow involved. How does that work? Because that was an unexpected element for me.

SPEAKER_01 7:18

Normally, whenever we're having our meetings, they have the custodians who it's again, it's our after-school program that does the RCL Academy program. And they're just cleaning around, you know, and if we include them in and say, hey, can you discuss more on this topic? They will intrude or they will kind of look out to if they see that they continue working on these skills, and they will look out to ensure and say, hey, I noticed you doing this. That part of your elite mannerisms, that's part of your elegance mannerism. So they kind of include themselves in it, which works out perfectly because again, it's coming in again that it's not just a rule, it's people that look like me. It's even a janitor that's that can help me along the way. And I think that's important too, for them to gain that confidence within themselves and also our community to enhance that confidence with themselves and just keep them on that road of reminding them what you're supposed to do all the time to the certain extent.

SPEAKER_02 8:20

So walk me through the experience of being a student in the program. We talked about the interest meeting, and then what's after that?

SPEAKER_01 8:28

So it's the interest meeting, and then following that, we have internal social emotional lessons that they do. And following within that, once they have those social emotional lessons, those lessons include them being able to control their emotions, them also being able to understand what a mentor does, gain confidence within themselves internally and externally. And then from there, they also do a survey about themselves so they can learn those interested characteristics that they may have. And just putting it into like a word that they've like, well, you know, I'm quirky, I'm fun, but what does that mean?

SPEAKER_02 9:06

Okay. Cause I was about to ask, like, what's the importance of that survey? So it sounds like it's connecting their their personhood with what they can articulate. Is that correct?

SPEAKER_01 9:18

Exactly. And not only for themselves, but for their sisters and their brothers with them. That's what we like to call them. So this is a sisterhood, this is a brotherhood. So again, it's not just about themselves, it's also about the group so that your sister, your brother can also work along with you and they can understand you as a person, not just you understanding you.

SPEAKER_02 9:38

And then there's a mentorship check-in. What does that look like?

SPEAKER_00 9:41

So with the mentorship check-in, um, their mentor, Miss Cartwell, now she'll come and she'll schedule meetings with them where they'll have one-on-one sessions with them and she'll just talk about what she's seen over the course of time. She'll talk about what others have come and brought to them. She'll talk about their accomplishments and things that she has seen them flourish in, but she'll also bring up things that might be thing areas that they still want to work on. So there's the accountability factor too, where yes, I'm working alongside my brothers and my sisters, but also my mentors making sure that I'm still being accountable for myself and I'm on the right track for myself as well. And it's a beautiful thing because we have seen girls and on some of our guys, they have really, they didn't internalize some of the things that they were doing as far as behaviors and everything and how that may appear to other people. So it made them even grow or look at things differently. And that's the thing too. We want to make sure they have a perception shift because, you know, what you might think something's okay, but when we look at it as a whole and how you're reflecting everyone as a group for your brothers and sisters, do you think that is a good representation of us as a whole? I could see this being very valuable.

SPEAKER_02 10:50

But how does this fit into academic curriculum? It sounds like this would be on top of it. Do you have to substitute any curriculum, take away from that time?

SPEAKER_01 10:59

No, they meet once a week during their enrichment time, which is again, it's enriching themselves. So it's not a takeaway, but it's definitely an add-on because their mentors, they have access to look at their iReady data. We have a master data spreadsheet where they're checking on their unit tests and they're basically motivating them. It's like another area of eyes on me. And instead of it just coming from a teacher or maybe a parent, it's coming from a different voice of relationship where I see where you're coming from and I respect that and I look up to you that I want to make you proud. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 11:37

So this becomes like the Marvel universe of mentorship. Right, right. It does. We got Spider-Man. We got that. Yeah, yes. Okay. So after mentor check-in, there's a practice dinner. Walk me through that. What does that look like?

SPEAKER_00 11:50

So what we do is normally the day before the actual dinner. So our dinner this year is um April 22nd. And so April 21st, we'll have a mock dinner. So we, um, the expanded learning coordinators, the principal, me, the assistant principal, we'll get together, we'll cook them a formal dinner, and then we will serve it to them. But as we're serving, they're having conversations at a table. They are escorting each other in and sitting down at the table. They're practicing their etiquette skills that we've worked on throughout the second semester. They're also working on how do we communicate? If I need something, how do I ask for it? And they really enjoy it. It kind of like knocks the nerves off for them a little bit because I know a lot of them are super excited, but they're also nervous because just going to a restaurant like we're going to Pearl and Horn this year. I've never been to Pearl and Horn before. So even before when we were going to the district in the past, you know, just kind of knocking the nerves off and like this is what this environment looks like for them. And you can be yourself, you know, but at the same time, like there's a level, like a voice level that we want to make sure we're maintaining. We want to make sure that we're, you know, saying please and thank you, or yes, sir, no, sir. So it just gives them great practice in that area. And then the day of the dinner, it's amazing. Like it is absolutely amazing. They do, they blow us away every single year.

SPEAKER_02 13:08

Oh my gosh. I can just imagine their cute little Do their feet even touch the floor and the chairs? They do. Oh, okay. Okay. So what grade are they like does because as you said, second or third grade? Yes. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 13:21

So we've had second graders in the past. We've had just some second graders that are phenomenal. They rock it out the park and they have been in there from second to fifth grade now. But we start looking from from third, fourth, and fifth grade.

SPEAKER_02 13:32

Okay. Does each grade have this dinner experience? Or is it once they're in fifth grade, then that's kind of like their graduation from the program?

SPEAKER_00 13:41

Each grade. So it's it's combined. So everyone, so uh all third, fourth, and fifth graders go come in together.

SPEAKER_02 13:47

Okay. So it's every year, all of the grades combined. Oh my gosh. What is the reaction of the wait staff when you do this?

SPEAKER_01 13:54

Oh, every single year. They're very surprised, they're impressed with their mannerism, they're they appreciate it to a certain extent because it's an exposure for the real world. They're our future.

SPEAKER_02 14:07

And it's being seen. Like, can you because you're in third grade, you're eight. Did I do that right? Okay. Um, so you're eight, and suddenly you're being seen in the world. Your mom or your dad are not ordering the Happy Meal children's menu for you. You know, the waiter is saying to your little face, Sir, ma'am, what can I get you? I mean, how cute is that? Yeah. I love that. When you when you think about the impact that this is making, do either of you have little movies in your head of stories that have happened, things that have happened that make you go, oh, yeah, this is why we're still doing this. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:45

Whenever you mention academics, I thought about a student last year who she received level fives in math. She received a level five in science. Is that bad? I don't know what's proficient. So level five is beyond proficient. That's as high as you can get in um ELA. So on the state test, on the state fast test. And this particular student, she struggled a lot with confidence, her inner and outer, and being bullied. And for her to have someone, Miss Caldwell, who was her mentor, to constantly go to her, coach her through all of these situations she was a part of, and for her to maintain level five for every single subject on a state test is just amazing. She not only was uh just an academically bright student, but she showed on the day of graduation, internally and externally, how much she has grown through our program and how much her mentor has shown upon her and showered her with love and lessons. And she definitely broadcast that very, very well. Without this program, how do you think that would have been different? I think that she wouldn't have enough time for someone to pour into her. Again, we school let out at two o'clock. And although our after-school program is there, and again, it's not just about academics. They do have an hour of academics and an hour of enrichment, but our job is to make sure that our children are safe. And we we're talking about safe, we're not just talking about physically, we're talking about mentally also. So I think throughout the day, we're just academics where we want to get them in, feed them, teach them, and send them home. But in the afternoon, then our after-school program, we're focusing on inner before we can focus on academics. That's why within our after-school program, we have lessons that's leader in me, and they're focusing on the inner. And we do that for the first nine weeks before we even open up a book in our after-school program.

SPEAKER_02 16:43

Are people surprised by that? I was surprised when I first learned about the leader in me and even like the way that you're talking about inner safety and like how their their person-ness matters. I don't know. I I guess I didn't hear that message growing up, and I don't have children, so I'm not hearing it now. Are parents surprised when they hear that from you?

SPEAKER_01 17:05

Yes, because they think, oh, well, it's just tutoring. Why can't y'all do homework? And we get that a lot. And again, we can't focus on that right now because first we have to gain your children's trust, love. That's first on our list. That's learning is second. And um, along with just knowing that it was also a shift for our staff because the students that they see that they're teaching in our after-school program may not be their students. It's a mix of them. So they have to build that rapport with them also. So that's why it's important for us to have that first nine weeks of just focusing on the internal in your relationship, and then the academics will come, which it does. Last year, we was one point away if it was just graded on a scale of our after-school program from uh A on a DLE.

SPEAKER_02 17:55

Oh, just one point. One point. You you seem very stoic about that, but I don't know. I get the sense you're like a teeny bit competitive. Very. Like you give good face, though. I will say, like, you couldn't tell. I just know because we did the pre-chat and we're here. Like I've gotten to know you just a little bit. But how exciting that through the momentum that there is the academic ladder is being climbed.

SPEAKER_01 18:19

It's super exciting. It's super exciting for us and also for our staff. Because we look at the data amongst our after-school program. We communicate this data to our teachers, we communicate it with the staff. And for them to see like I can impact someone other than just my class that I have seven hours out of the day and this hour of academics, this hour enrichment, two and a half hours is making a difference, they're fulfilled also, right along with us.

SPEAKER_02 18:46

Yeah. And that matters. We need teachers to feel fulfilled. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Burnout prevention. Come on. Key. Brianna, what about you? Are there certain stories that stick out to your head? Like, like, say you're, you know, on vacation and people are like, oh, oh, what do you do? And you explain and you get an opportunity to talk about this program. What's the first story that comes to mind that really illustrates to a stranger what this is?

SPEAKER_00 19:10

I have two stories. So one story would be I did a privilege walk one year with um our girls, and the amount of emotion that came out of our girls just for them to realize that they were so much more alike than they thought. And it was so good with the girls. We had to do it with the boys as well. But the connectivity, so I love talking about we have to work on our inner selves. But before we can do that, we need to connect, we need to bond because for the sisterhood, because we're more alike than you think. And then another story would be we had, I would say it was probably our second year, and it was um our student leadership counsel president. She had to go to the day at the Capitol at Talla in Tallahassee and so nervous, very, very nervous, but she was a part of Elegant Ambassador. So she wanted to wear her red cardigan because she felt like she would be, she would feel confident in saying her speech. And that just warmed my heart, but it warned me so much where when I had to do my interview to become assistant principal, I myself wore my red cardigan because I said if she could do it and had con have confidence, I can do it and have confidence. And it just blows me away because it's like I she didn't realize what impact she made on me during that time. And she is amazing. Like she is flourishing in middle school right now. She is still confident. She went from someone that had a hard time communicating her emotions and shutting down and maybe not saying the nicest things outwardly, but she has grown to be, and she even comes back to mentor the girls now. But she has grown to be such a leader and a beautiful individual. And I'll like I will forever remember her. She like left the same room in my heart. What's a privileged walk? So a privileged walk would be step forward if you know you come from a single parent household, step backwards if you had two meals yesterday, like just questions that we do. So they line up in a straight line, they're all in the same, in a straight line together. And then I'll say, step forward if this, step forward if, or step backwards if this. And then they start to shift and they start to move, but they start to realize that no one stays in the middle. We all are moving and we're shifting, but we're more alike than we think. So they do it, but they I tell them to close their eyes. So when they wait, when they open their eyes, they're like, whoa, I didn't know I had this connection with this person next to me. And so we talk about it afterwards. And so some of the girls, they take that moment to say, Oh, I feel like I don't have to hide this anymore. I can be honest. Oh, I have someone that relates to me. I can go talk to them about this if I'm having a hard time. And that connection like just made all of us start crying. Like when those girls, I was like, whoa. I remember that day. That was awesome. It was a it was a powerful day. I mean, I have goosebumps. Yeah. So that just made them realize, like, okay, we're in this together and we're not as different as we think we are.

SPEAKER_02 22:01

And you keep saying girls, but this is for girls and boys, yes.

SPEAKER_01 22:06

Yes. Our elite ambassadors. The mentor is Mr. Robert Brandon. He mentors them. His biggest takeaway is normally emotional regulation. He focuses a lot on emotional regulation within, I want to say he takes two semesters before they start the etiquette part because they have to be disciplined. They have to be less emotional. And our boys are come in very much. So he purposely picks boys that are emotional dysregulated. So that way he can help them along that journey. And just to have that someone that you can relate to and he has the stories behind it, it definitely makes a big impact for those boys. Absolutely. They take a little bit longer.

SPEAKER_02 22:47

Yeah, but think about like five years from now. Right. The impact that that will make. This is not at all what I expected. Like I really thought we were gonna talk about forks a lot more. No. And for Tia, you said that this isn't just competitive, but it's leading the way to what's next. Can you unpack that?

SPEAKER_01 23:07

It's leading the way for these babies to be successful. They sometimes don't understand what's next. And for us to put in realization and for them that they're what's next is important. You are the nets, you are our future. And when you hear those words as a child and you keep hearing it, we tell them you are our leaders, y'all are leaders constantly, every single day. Not only are you listening to it, you're believing it, and you're working within that.

SPEAKER_02 23:39

So well said. Yeah. Thank you, ladies, for the investment that you're making in the future for those kids, for the families, the the load that you're lifting for parents who might be feeling overwhelmed or struggling and making a better community for sure. We are so appreciative. Thank you for the moment.

SPEAKER_00 24:01

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 24:02

This is very exciting. Thanks for listening. Be sure to subscribe and share. Voices United in Education is a production of Escambia County Public Schools.