Ep 44 | Why Mentor A Child? A Tale of Two Busy Mentors

SPEAKER_01 0:00

It was kind of a struggle. So just seeing that she's changed so much. I don't know if I can accredit that to me. Um, but like just seeing that makes me so happy. And so I think that's really affected me. And like I'm just so excited to go every week and be like, how is she gonna grow this week? You know, because she I can see her getting better at her reading skills and her math, and it's just so rewarding to watch someone grow.

SPEAKER_02 0:32

Welcome to the Voices United in Education podcast. Each week we showcase the teachers, administrators, and community members who go the extra mile to contribute to the success of every student in Escambia County. You'll meet the real people behind the titles and learn about the amazing resources to support every student's success. It takes a village to raise a child, as the saying goes. And it's true, no parents should go it alone. And that's why this is not the first and likely not the last time we'll feature the subject of mentorship on the show. My next guests are mentors who have many reasons to, well, not be mentors. One is a full-time executive, wife, and mom of a teenager. The other is new to town and a full-time college student. Today they're going to share why they decided to mentor, its impact on them and their mentee, and give us an insider perspective into what being a mentor actually looks like. Connecting the community, making and giving time, Natalie Stipkovich and Karen Cullums. Thanks for being here.

SPEAKER_00 1:41

Thanks for having us. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 1:43

I so love that the two of you are here because you both have such contrasting seasons of life, right? And I want to know what each of your hesitations were to becoming a mentor, and then ultimately what your motivations were to finally do it. So, Karen, I'd love to kick it off with you.

SPEAKER_00 2:02

Yeah, so time. I think everybody has that constraint. Like, I don't have enough time in my day or week to um go find and mentor a child. But you do, you can find the time. And um it was it was hard to, I think it was initially hard to make that decision that I was going to do it. And then once I made that decision to do it, it was such a relief and such a weight off my shoulder. And I felt like, yes, I can do this. It's an hour a week. Um, it's so enjoyable, and you get so much out of that little bit of hour, and um yeah, you you just you know, taking that step, you have it in the back of your mind forever that you want to do something, and then you take that step forward and you're glad you did.

SPEAKER_02 2:54

How long had you thought about it?

SPEAKER_00 2:56

You know, probably at least a few years. Um, you know, every time you drive by that billboard, I should do that. Um the big brothers, big sisters billboard yeah, big brothers, or even you know, the school districts when they were advertising for um things, you know, we sh just being involved in your community. Every time I would see something like that, it was it was pulling me in, especially the big big brother, big sister organization. It was pulling me in. So that's yeah, I finally took that that leap to make the decision to do it.

SPEAKER_02 3:27

Was there something internally that made you go, okay, I'm just gonna do it, or was it you spoke with someone? What made you pull the trigger?

SPEAKER_00 3:36

Um I think it was, you know, it was after COVID and the whole everybody was locked up, and I knew the effects that was having on children. I have a, you know, like you said, a teenage daughter, and um I think that at that time, you know, these kids were coming out of a very big um part of their life that was so impactful. And um I knew that there was some extra help that was needed, and I thought, when this is over, I'm going to do it, and I did. So good for you.

SPEAKER_02 4:10

That's amazing. What about you?

SPEAKER_01 4:12

Um, so I got introduced to mentoring through the scholarship that I earned um when I decided to go to University of West Florida, and one of their service um requirements is to become a mentor. And honestly, at first I was hesitant just because of my own self-doubt because I'm like a college student. Um, I have a lot of nieces and nephews. I'm good with children, but I just didn't know um if I was going to be good enough kind of to mentor a child in need that needs um a role model. And I kind of just went into it like I'm just gonna give my best and hopefully just make this child comfortable and have someone there to talk to. And it ended up being an amazing experience. So I guess I would say my I had a little bit of fear at first, but it ended up being really like going really well. Wow. So it felt really natural. Yeah, it did. Um, we kind of just, you know, you have an hour of time where you kind of hang out and you talk about things, and as you get more comfortable with them, you learn a lot and um yeah, you build a really great friendship. And I actually do feel like a big sister to this girl who I really, really love.

SPEAKER_02 5:31

You both said an hour. And and so I think I would love to dive in some of the logistics of how your programs work because for people who have, you know, like you, Karen, thinking about mentoring for years, I find that's pretty common. Oh, I've I've always wanted to do that, or maybe they did it. I've been thinking about getting back into that. I did that at one time, maybe when they were a college student and they found it really rewarding, but they don't remember how the program works or what's the requirements, or you know, that sort of thing. So can you kick us off, Natalie, and tell us how the program for you works? What does it look like?

SPEAKER_01 6:07

Yeah, so um I was personally contacted by my mentees teacher, and we kind of went through what time of the week would work for both of us. And we ended up picking Tuesdays at one, and they get out of school at two. So I would go there and I spend an hour with her. And we normally do like schoolwork and some of the things that she needs to get done in the first half, and then the second half is um dedicated to just talking and um whatever she feels like she wants to do, whether that's playing or talking about her home life or anything of this sort. So yeah, it's just an hour out of the week, and it's honestly an hour that I really look forward to.

SPEAKER_02 6:50

So your program was through Escamie County Public Schools, and it was through a scholarship.

SPEAKER_01 6:56

Yes, ma'am. So um I there was a selective scholarship that you had to apply for and write an essay for, and it's called the Pensacola Pledge Scholarship. And when you earn that, one of the service um requirements is that you become a mentor. And so I won the scholarship, and me and about five or six others got together and we got trained by someone in the Iskamia County, and they trained us to be a mentor, and then we actually weren't able to do it for the first couple years because of COVID. So this is the first year that I actually got to be hands-on and do it, and so it's been very rewarding. Wow. Okay, that's so cool.

SPEAKER_02 7:35

And you meet at the school. Yes, ma'am. Oh, okay. So, what about you, Karen? How does your program work?

SPEAKER_00 7:40

Yeah, so I also meet at the school, but I I applied through Big Brothers, Big Sisters of Northwest Florida. Um, I had to fill out an application packet and got an interview and um worked with the great staff over there who were matching me with somebody in the school. Um, they they ask you questions about what you might prefer or don't mind having and things like that, and um and they'll match you. And then mine is also at the school. And I also had to do an interview through the school district to make sure that you're you're good enough to um be a mentor and then get a little bit of training, but um yeah, meet once a week at the school as well.

SPEAKER_02 8:24

I think uh a a worry, a hesitation that people have when they're thinking about mentoring uh a student is what do you talk to the student about? So I'd love to hear, you know, without of course, don't give away any specifics that would, you know, tell people who your student is, of course, certainly not their names. But can you kind of just, you know, peel back the curtain a little bit on what you talk about with your mentee? Either of you.

SPEAKER_01 8:54

Um well, I think it has changed so much from comparing the beginning of me and her's like relationship all the way till now. It's been about um seven months that we've been seeing each other every week. At the very beginning, it was very much so can you please do your homework? Like, what do you need to work on? Very focused on school and like making sure she's getting what she needs to be um like done. And then it kind of switched over when she felt more comfortable with me. And I would ask her, like, how are like just starting off with like, how are you today? Like, how's your week been? And then slowly as we got closer, she would reveal some things that maybe she couldn't talk to with other people as of like um like her teacher, you know? And so um the closer we got and the more we saw each other, the more we'd get deeper and I'd learn a lot more about her life. And so now that we've been talking for months, she can come to me at any time when we're together and talk about things that she feels like she needs to. Whereas at the beginning it was more like, Hey, how are you? You know, like trying to see if we can break that barrier. So now we have very open, free, vulnerable conversations. Have you found that's pretty similar, Karen?

SPEAKER_00 10:16

Um, yeah. Um, but I think which Natalie made a very good point about is that consistency. Um, the fact that they know that you're coming every week is so important. And um, because sometimes they need that role model or they need that consistency in their life. And um, I've been with my friend for almost a year and a half, two years. I think it's been an um it started out a little rocky, you don't trust somebody right away, and then you develop this rapport, and I bring her a little something every time, whether it's some candy, and I also like to do puzzle books. We started out doing some reading together, and that was a something that she needed to have in her. Um, that was one of her her teacher I communicated with her teacher, and that was something that needed some work. So we did some reading. Um, and then this year it's been more focused on whatever she really needs or wants. If she wants to do homework, if she wants to just talk, I always bring a puzzle book or a book that I have from home, whether like it was Easter, so I had an Easter book Halloween, I'll have a Halloween book, you know, um, so we can read something, you know, pertaining to what's going on currently. And or we play cards, or we'll play um catch, or we'll, you know, enjoy a snack together with something. So just whatever, you know, I let her kind of guide what's gonna happen that day, and I'll be prepared for whatever. But it's you know, something when you're in the dollar store, you pick up, you know, a two-dollar book, or you know, you you pick up a a candy bar when you're in the grocery store, and you know, I stick it in my bag for when I'm gonna see her, and it's just those little things that light up her face that make me feel so happy to see her every week, you know.

SPEAKER_02 12:11

So I'm so glad that you brought that up because that I wanted to ask you what you felt the impact on you was as a mentor.

SPEAKER_00 12:20

Yeah, that it's like that those endorphins that go off. You know, you really just look forward to that that special hour because it's I know that I did this because I wanted to give back, but it also gives me back. I really feel like um I'm it just makes me happy, it's enjoyable, and I think we both feel that way, and it's just the most wonderful feeling to have someone look forward to seeing you as much as you look forward to seeing them.

SPEAKER_02 12:49

I guess you don't get that necessarily from a teenage daughter.

SPEAKER_00 12:52

She's actually really good, so I do most well. I'm happy to hear that. It's wonderful to get it from somebody outside my family for sure.

SPEAKER_02 13:01

What do you think the impact is for your mentee? Have you seen any difference or has she said anything to you?

SPEAKER_00 13:07

Um, I think she trusts me a whole lot more. Um, I think she really looks forward to our time together as well. I've heard from the guidance counselor at the school, she was talking about me. She likes, you know, she references me a lot. So, you know, just that I think she really feels the same way. And just from the feedback I've had from that. And from you know, from being with her. She just she loves it.

SPEAKER_02 13:36

So it's good all around.

SPEAKER_00 13:39

It's good all around.

SPEAKER_02 13:39

What about you, Natalie? Um, like the impact on you and on her.

SPEAKER_01 13:44

Yeah, so honestly, the impact on me has been insane. Like, I don't know what who I would be without her, and that sounds like kind of cheesy, but it's so true. Um, like I said, I went into it with a little bit of like self-doubt. Like, would I will I be the right person to help her and be her friend? And honestly, seeing her grow has made me feel so happy because at the very beginning, um, it was difficult for her to kind of stay on task and and get the things that she needed to done. And as we've progressed, now she like asked me to like help her with her math and help her do schoolwork. Whereas at the beginning, it was a really big kind of please like sit down and please work with me. And it was kind of a struggle. So just seeing that she's changed so much, I don't know if I can accredit that to me. Um, but like just seeing that makes me so happy. And so I think that's really affected me. And like, I'm just so excited to go every week and be like, how's she gonna grow this week? You know, because she I can see her getting better at her reading skills and her math, and it's just so rewarding to watch someone grow. So yeah. Have you ever had a mentor? Um, I've had many, um, just like in life. I've had, I mean, my family, I have I have six older siblings. So I would consider all of them my mentors. I've had a lot of love and a lot of really good role models to kind of show me how to live my life and be the person I am today. And I've always tried to do that with my nieces and nephews. As you can imagine, I have a lot of them because I have six older siblings. Um, but now I'm I moved away and I'm in a new town. So I don't have those nieces and nephews, but I have my mentee who I can help grow and kind of do that for. If that makes sense. It does. That's pretty special.

SPEAKER_02 15:52

Have you had mentors, Carrie?

SPEAKER_00 15:54

I have not. I mean, I'm through a lot of my career and I've had I didn't have it in that sense in in school, but I, you know, through work I have. And it's important, I think, to have that support and to to know somebody's behind you no matter what. And um, I think that's what this program does, is l lets the kids know that there's somebody here for you and supportive. Um the school's very the school that I go through is very supportive as well. And um Yeah, I think it's it's such a it's such an important feeling to be loved and to know that that you're accepted and I think that helps the the kids and let them know that you know someone's looking forward to seeing them just as much as you're looking forward to seeing them.

SPEAKER_02 16:44

That's true. What do you feel like makes a good mentor?

SPEAKER_00 16:49

Um consistency. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:52

Do you think consistency above all?

SPEAKER_01 16:53

I really do. I I agree with that, honestly.

SPEAKER_00 16:56

I mean, you had hesitations, Natalie, about you, you know, who you were. You're obviously the perfect fit for it. And anybody, you know, I mean, you really don't have to, you just have to be committed to it and to do it. And you know there's times that I've had to, you know, I was out of town and I couldn't do it, but I've let her know, hey, I'm not gonna be there next week. So she knows to anticipate that. And and I think being open and honest, and um but yeah, I do, I think that consistency is really important. You don't have to bring anything. I mean, I bring sometimes a pencil and paper and we draw and play tic-tac-toe. Um I think it's being there.

SPEAKER_02 17:34

I agree. What would you say to someone who is considering being a mentor?

SPEAKER_01 17:43

Do it. Do it 100%. Do it, do it. There's just there's no negatives. Like I really cannot think of one. Um, you build an amazing friendship and you look forward to it every week. And just as they look forward to the consistency of you going, I also do too. I know every Tuesday I have an hour where I'm going to be serving and like happy and seeing my friend. And um, yeah, I think the consistency for me is really great. I encourage everyone to try it if they're interested. It's just, it's a win-win. You're helping and you're also growing yourself.

SPEAKER_02 18:21

I think it's so interesting that both of you have talked about the happiness several times. Because when people think about the idea of enrolling in a mentorship program, I doubt that they're like, you know what, I need to be happier. I need to sign myself up to be a mentor. I promise you that's not what they're thinking. But I can just see it from your faces, and hopefully parents can hear it in your voices, that it brings you so much joy. And I'm sure that's, you know, from several facets of this experience. But I know, you know, when you take yourself outside of your own head circumstances, you know, your to-do list, it's almost like an incentive for someone who's busy and overwhelmed to do it because they can have this little bit of respite that's not about them.

SPEAKER_00 19:09

Yes. I have a busy work day, and sometimes I'm like, how am I gonna find time to go today? Really, truly, I've felt like that. And you do, and you're glad you did because the work is still there and it will be there, and but she's not, you know, so she need, you know, she needs it more than my work needs it, is how I see it. So go, yeah. And you know, it takes what you said at the beginning, it takes a village. It really honestly does. It takes a village, it takes, you know, people united together in this community to to help children in all these schools. It really does. And the more people we can get out doing it, I think the better.

SPEAKER_02 19:53

I agree. I can't think of a better way to uh sign off than that right there. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks for listening. Be sure to subscribe and share. Voices United in Education is a production of Escambia County Public Schools.