Ep 19 | Virtual Trafficking? Tips to Protect Kids

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Talk it up, so you need to be able to tell your story to a safe adult, which we always encourage them to have five safe adults, one for every finger on your hand, and they need to be in your home and out of your home.

SPEAKER_00 0:17

Welcome to the Voices United in Education podcast. Each week we showcase the teachers, administrators, and community members who go the extra mile to contribute to the success of every student in Escambia County. You'll meet the real people behind the titles and learn about the amazing resources to support every student's success. In the 80s and 90s, we were warned about white fans and promises of candy. Now there seems to be a new app every week that poses a potential trafficking threat to our digital savvy kids. Keeping them safe can feel like a full-time job. My next guest helps lighten the load. She's been the executive director at Gulf Coast Kids House since 2010, where she oversees a large spectrum of services benefiting each child in Escambia County, and has even helped implement important safety education to protect kids from traffickers. Today she's going to share practical tips and how prevention education can unite parents, teachers, and community members to safeguard our kids. Florida Native, problem solver, planking champion, Stacey Kostavecchi.

SPEAKER_01 1:31

Hi.

SPEAKER_00 1:31

You know I had to include the planking champion in there.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Yes, thank you for that. It's an important part of your identity, I feel. It's been a long time since I've planked. So I guess I better give out, dude.

SPEAKER_00 1:42

No one has to know. It'll be our secret. I remember you saying something that I actually think about a lot. I probably think about it at least once a month, and that's that ending child abuse solves nearly every societal problem. And I think we're all looking for a magic bullet. Um, you know, so if this is it, we should definitely tune in. Can you explain what you mean by that?

SPEAKER_02 2:06

Yeah, absolutely. Um, there was a study done by Kaiser Permanente, and it's called the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study. And what that did is it looked at things um even less than child abuse. It looked at things like divorce, or if a child had witnessed violence, or um if they had a parent that was ill or they did experience some kind of child abuse, that that is an adverse childhood experience. It's called ACEs for short. And so the more aces a child experiences, the more likely they are to have problems in adulthood. And it's not just the emotional development or um brain development that you would think. It's also linked to high blood pressure, to cardiac disease, to imprisonment, to um furthering domestic violence. And aces are not uncommon. It's really common that about 61% of adults have had four ACEs or more. And if there's a questionnaire online that I encourage everyone to do because you we know one in ten kids are abused, and then to broaden that spectrum to how many people have had an adverse childhood experience and how has that impacted their ability to bond, their natural stress levels, their coping mechanisms, their mental health, their physical health. I mean, it's crazy what kind of ripple effect child abuse has into adulthood.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

I mean, you're talking about how you behave at work, when you're talking about your ability to problem solve, I mean, you're you're discussing really, without saying executive function. So those stressors in life that are unavoidable, um, the lack of coping mechanisms could be avoidable if we could end child abuse and then when it happens, have the proper intervention.

SPEAKER_02 3:59

Yeah, it impacts even your relationships. I mean, you think about that as a child, you are born with almost an innate trust that people are doing what's best for you. And in cases of child abuse, that's simply not true. And so it impacts how children form relationships and how they build trust, which I mean, just think about that in itself. It's wild.

SPEAKER_00 4:24

It is wild. And you said one in ten, excuse me, ha experience abuse. Is that in Escambia County in Florida or in just in the US? Aaron Ross Powell, Jr.

SPEAKER_02 4:34

J generally in the U.S. In Escambia County we're actually more around one in nine.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

Yeah. That's that feels pretty high.

SPEAKER_02 4:42

Yeah. And we're double the state average in our uh community. So Escamie County does have a significant amount of child abuse and neglect.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

Aaron Powell So this is a real problem that we can't just go, oh, that's somebody else's problem.

SPEAKER_02 4:57

No, and I mean that's why it's so important that we have built a relationship with the Askamie County School District. We actually provide child abuse prevention and child trafficking education for kids K through 12th grade. Um and alongside that, we have our no child abuse training, KNOWchildabuse.org, that is teaching adults what we're teaching the children so that they're staying on that same level with kids. And that way we can all act together to try to keep these children safe.

SPEAKER_00 5:29

Having those tools is so major because um we're all blind to our own perspective. And if we experienced abuse or something that qualifies under that ACE's umbrella, we might consider it personally as some sort of like, oh yeah, that's how that's how life works. You know, you I'm sure everyone has heard an older person say, oh, well, back in my day, you know, we walked uphill backwards both ways in the snow barefoot. That's the one I definitely heard. And that's more of a joke. But um, you know, I've heard things that are a little bit heavier about feelings, you know, like back in my day, you just sucked it up and moved on and and kind of gaslighting kids a little bit about what they're feeling or um what they're experiencing and not really providing that framework that they can be open and honest. So I could see where going through some of this training would I mean, that's some inner work that you would as an adult do, but it's important that you don't pass it on unknowingly.

SPEAKER_02 6:35

Absolutely. And that's one of the things that we see at the kids' house when a child is sexually abused, in particular. Um, our therapy partner in Lutheran Services Florida works with their non-offending caregiver. So that caregiver has to also go to therapy. And nine times out of ten, that caregiver had some kind of unaddressed trauma that impacted, again, their ability to raise their child, their ability to recognize unsafe behaviors, to establish proper boundaries. And um, I say it all the time, it feels like people that have unaddressed trauma have almost a badge that makes them vulnerable to people that see that and they see that underlying vulnerability um and take advantage of it. That's why it's so prevalent.

SPEAKER_00 7:25

Yeah, and that's how it spreads because the predator finds their prey, essentially. But usually the predator was also prey at one point, and yeah, it's an uglier kind of circle of life that hopefully, you know, can can be stopped. And I think what Gulf Coast Kids House has done from what I've seen is provide some really simple solutions, some things that you would think, wow, this is a major problem. This is, you know, this is like wishing for world peace. But it's it's not, it is that intrinsic, but it's not that complicated. Uh, you know, and that's what I like about the work that you're doing about educating and working together with Escambia County Public Schools and the other community resources. You mentioned Lutheran Services. It's not like you're off on an island doing your own thing, seeking credit. You're really collaborating.

SPEAKER_02 8:15

Yeah. I mean, child abuse is a community issue. And it's what we're grateful for is that the access that the Escamie County School District gives us to be able to talk with kids because kids are innocent and they don't necessarily realize that what's happening to them is wrong. And so it is very common that after we've been in a school and we've talked about safe and unsafe behaviors and safe and unsafe adults, that a child figures out that what's happening to them at home is not safe. And so very often after we go into the schools, we'll have the kids in Gulf Coast Kids' house a couple days later because they're disclosing that they've been sexually abused at home or that their friend has been. Um and that's it's really a beautiful thing when you see that loop closed and when you give kids the language and the confidence to be able to help protect themselves and encourage their safe adults to know what to do to help them as well.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

Yeah. So what do those programs look like with Escambia County Public Schools? What is the education curriculum for the different grade levels?

SPEAKER_02 9:27

We work with a statewide organization called the Monique Burr Foundation, and we do child safety matters as well as teen safety matters, and those all center on five basic safety rules. And we always say that you can take them with you from kindergarten all the way through adulthood. So the first rule is to know what's up. So when we're talking to our little kids, that's knowing that mom and dad have a first and last name. And knowing your phone number, knowing your address, that kind of thing. Um, second safety rule is to spot red flags. So anytime an adult's asking a child for help, that can be a red flag. Or if you're getting really special attention or you see someone that's getting super special attention, that could be a red flag for our adults in trafficking. If you have a child in your life that all of a sudden has a new iPhone or has new expensive things or is getting a lot of gifts, that could be a red flag that they're in a trafficking situation. Um then we have make a move, which is to get away and stay away from unsafe situations. And you can use that in real life or virtually. If someone starts asking you personal information online, that's a red flag, and you need to get away and stay away from that person. Um the other one is talk it up. So you need to be able to tell your story to a safe adult, which we always encourage them to have five safe adults, one for every finger on your hand, and they need to be in your home and out of your home. And then the last one is no blame, no shame, because nothing that ever happens to a child in an abuse situation is their fault, no matter what their groomer or pedophile may try to tell them, their trafficker, it's not their fault. And it's our job to be there to help the child if they do have enough courage to tell us that something's happened.

SPEAKER_00 11:18

Those are really good. I love the way that the first sentence of every tip is so memorable. You know, what's up? Red flags, talk it up. Like I can remember those, which is saying something.

SPEAKER_02 11:32

Yeah. Spoiler alert, me too. And we have a song that's going with it. We got a grant through Impact 100, so we have this little mnemonic thing that's coming out. It's kind of like um, you know, NBC, they have the ding ding ding. Yeah. We have something like that for the safety rules, which helps kids to remember them even more. Because if you put it to music, it sticks.

SPEAKER_00 11:55

That is brilliant. I love it. And I love that you talked about the um parent also seeing red flags of maybe a uh a young person is getting a lot more gifts than like we don't know where that they came. And in in 2021, it was your prevention team that successfully implemented that state board education rule mandating the child trafficking prevention education um for the Florida. And I think when we define trafficking internally, the average person, we totally think of that Liam Neeson movie, right? And it's a physical, dramatic, very blatant, you know, sweep that person away, and then they're in a room with a bunch of Russian men smoking cigars. Like it's dramatic. And certainly that's not exists. It's it exists, but I have a feeling that's not the whole picture. So um, what kinds of trafficking happens the most in our county, would you say?

SPEAKER_02 12:55

So what we saw a lot of, particularly during the pandemic, is we saw a lot of virtual trafficking. So that would be um you also can call it sex tortion, that sort of thing. So people would find a child online and then they would encourage them to share pictures, and then and it starts innocent enough, like send me a picture of your hands or your feet, and then it progresses, and then all of a sudden you've got a child that's sent full-on nudes to someone. And the definition of trafficking is the exchange of any goods or services for it can be looking, touching, any of those things. And so what we saw happening to a lot of our kids, they're too young for a bank account, but their trafficker could send them something off their Amazon wish list.

SPEAKER_00 13:46

Ooh, that's yucky.

SPEAKER_02 13:48

Or send a pizza, that kind of thing. So we saw a lot of that. I mean, we've had cases as young as three and five-year-old with their little leapfrog tablet.

SPEAKER_00 13:58

No.

SPEAKER_02 13:59

Yeah. And the parents found out about it when the FBI was knocking on their door.

SPEAKER_00 14:03

No. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 14:05

So it's like it's they are very, very smart. And with trafficking, um, I'm gonna see if I can reach my notes. There was a conference in Dallas that's absolutely incredible. If anyone is interested in crimes against children, it's brilliant. And just like the five safety rules, this is what sticks with me as far as trying to what traffickers how they target. With um boys, if they're trying to traffic boys, it's kind of the four D's. It's driving, drinking, drugs, and dirty pictures. That's what they're gonna use to recruit boys. With girls, it's more um the acronym is LISTs. So girls are looking for love, they're looking for interest, they're looking for support things and status. And so those are the types of things that groomers and traffickers will use and how they they engage and recruit and manipulate and abuse girls and boys differently.

SPEAKER_00 15:09

When you said virtual trafficking, that surprising is a word, a phrase that I've never heard before. And when I talk with my friends who have kids, you know, because of you know, my interaction with the Gulf Coast Kids House, I try to unsolicited tell them about all the resources that you have and and the threats of different apps because you know, a lot of them are pretty accessible, you'll say. Um but a lot of their responses are, oh yeah, my my kid knows, they know, my daughter knows, my son knows. And um I don't think that's totally true. Why is it that parents think, well, my kid's not a risk? Is what puts a kid at risk? What makes them at risk? Access. Oh, so living in the modern world.

SPEAKER_02 16:04

Yeah. Oh, great. So access, I always say access is the number one predictor of child abuse and child trafficking. Um with trafficking, we do see that kids who may be um foster children or LGBTQ plus youth and might have that additional just vulnerability of not feeling like you're in the middle of everything and you fit in perfectly, those kids can be a little more at risk. But truly, it's just access. And what we try to tell parents is talk to your kids early and often because then it's not a hard conversation. If you are always from birth saying that this is your nose, this is your hand, this is your penis, this is your vagina, then it and that this is if anyone wants to touch or see your penis and vagina, then we need to hear about that. But having those conversations early, I mean, the most common Googled term for third grader is pornography.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

For a I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 17:04

Third.

SPEAKER_00 17:04

Third, as in the number three. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:07

So if parents don't think that children are learning these things at an earlier and earlier age, they're lying to themselves. And it's having those conversations early and often are what's gonna make children comfortable coming to them if they get in an unsafe situation or they get in over their heads.

SPEAKER_00 17:26

Wow. Okay, so uh five safe adults, one for each finger on your hand, in and out of the house, um, the song, which we will have to post a link to it in our episode description, uh, because that was brilliant, and I can't remember it right now off the top of my head. And then um, and then what was the last thing you were just saying? Um early and often talking with kids. And using the proper terminology. Yes. So no nicknames for your private parts using the actual medical name.

SPEAKER_02 17:59

Yes. Absolutely. And I know that it can feel uncomfortable, um, but the reality is it helps in a child abuse investigation if the child knows what their parts are called. Um, it it gets real sticky if they start talking about their pocketbook or their cupcake. When we're trying to prosecute those cases at a Gulf Coast Kids' house, that can make or break a a case.

SPEAKER_00 18:24

Yeah. So let's talk about the kids' house. How does it work? Because I I understand it's like a one-stop shop. Um, but I think when people think about nonprofits that serve kids, I I don't know. I feel like there's kind of like a negative tie with CPS coming and stealing your kids away because your nosy neighbor said that they were outside barefoot and that's you know terrible. So clear all that up. Tell us how it works for a parent listening who wants to plug in either to your educational services or maybe wants to um, you know, just have the your place as a resource just in their back pocket.

SPEAKER_02 19:05

Sure. Yeah. So um Gulf Coast Kids House is what's known as a child advocacy center, which is, like you said, a fancy way of saying that we've combined all the professionals and resources that are needed for a child abuse case under one child-friendly roof. Um, I've had people tell me that they've avoided coming to the kids' house because they expect it to be sterile and sad, and then when they come, they're like, oh my gosh, this is like a hug. The building is super comforting. So we see the most egregious cases of child abuse, which is all sexual abuse, egregious physical abuse, and medical neglect. So when the all the cases start with either the Department of Children and Families or law enforcement. So it starts at a central hotline level. Then, based on the age of the child and the allegation of abuse, they'll get referred to the Gulf Coast Kids House. So at the kids' house, we have what we call case coordinators. So there are forensic interviewers. They will go into a room one-on-one with the child and record details of the case. Um, that way the details are frozen in time forever, and it limits the number of times a child will have to repeat their story of child abuse. We also do medical exams on site. It's important not only to try to document any injuries, but also just to have that opportunity for a child to learn that their body's okay, because that can be a huge question, particularly after sexual abuse. And in 99% of sexual abuse cases, there's never going to be physical evidence. But just being able to tell a child that your body's normal, no one's going to be able to tell that you were sexually abused is so important.

SPEAKER_00 20:44

Wow, that's not something I even thought of.

SPEAKER_02 20:46

Yeah. Um, and then we also we have family advocates that are there to walk the family through the whole process, whether that's that they need a referral to man of food pantries, they need concrete resources like clothes, clothes, diapers, wipes, we have all of that there. Or if they just lose track of where their case is, they can call and just talk to an advocate and we'll set them straight.

SPEAKER_00 21:09

That's pretty major.

SPEAKER_02 21:10

It is, because it's still a even though we're in one spot, it's still a very hard, very bureaucratic system to try to navigate. Um and then we have, of course, therapy on-site with Lutheran Services Florida, and we have a state attorney's office that prosecutes all of these cases. So it is it kids don't stay there. That's one of the big uh misunderstandings. We're kind of like a glorified office building, but kids come there for all of the services that they need, and everything that happens there is free. So a family, even if we have to do x-rays or radiology, that sort of thing, we don't charge for that. So um, and our child abuse training is free as well at the knowchhildabuse.org. So even if you want to put your toe in the water, you're not sure how how into this abuse thing you want to get. Starting with that training is huge. It's 40 minutes. It's non-threatening when you don't get into any gory details and it could save a life.

SPEAKER_00 22:10

It could save a life. And I think that's the the key thing about our community coming together for the success of every child, even people like you and I who are child-free. We are still stewards of the children in our community, I believe. And it doesn't take very much effort to just keep an eye out for kids. I do want to address the uh CPS come and taking your kid away thing, though, because people like me, you know, if I see something that I'm like, mm-hmm that smells fishy, then I'm like, wow, should I say something? And maybe I voice that concern to somebody else, like, I saw this situation, should I say something? And it's not uncommon for them to go, you're you'll ruin that person's life. The child will be you know traumatized because they'll be ripped from the home and and all this sort of thing. So can you shed some real life perspective on that common belief?

SPEAKER_02 23:08

Absolutely. I mean, first thing I'll say is the best intervention is community intervention. So if it's someone that you're comfortable with or whatever, trying to support that family on your own before calling DCF is always the best approach. Um, but with Department of Children and Families, I we probably grew up hearing the same thing. If my mom had to run to the store, she's like, do not tell anyone I left you alone or they're gonna take you away. The reality is no one wants to take kids out of their home. We know that that's where kids thrive, and that no matter how bad they are, children want their parents. So DCF, it's very, very hard to remove a child from the home. They only do it if there is immediate danger. That what their focus is, is to try to get the danger out of the home. Um, for example, with cases of child sexual abuse, if they know who the offender is, their goal is to get that offender out of the house and to get the non-offending caregiver to be protective and to acknowledge that that's happening. But the reality is super hard to remove a child and it's not what anyone wants. And the state's focus is always reunification. They want that child back with that family when that family is safe.

SPEAKER_00 24:26

And when it comes to trafficking, Igbe talked about a lot of different, you know, insights and and kind of touched on some tips and things to look for. Are there any other strategies that parents should proactively start taking immediately to prevent trafficking now that we know that the greatest predictor of a child being trafficked is access and they literally are on tablets all the time, home, school, grandma's, it's everywhere.

SPEAKER_02 24:56

Yeah. Um, you know, what we see with our trafficking victims is that there is an emotional need that's not being met. And so I think that's the biggest thing that parents can do and community members can do is to really wrap your arms around the kids in your lives and let them know that they are enough and that they are very special to you so that they don't have this vulnerability or this feeling of not enoughness that might make them vulnerable to trafficking.

SPEAKER_00 25:28

I think that's major.

SPEAKER_02 25:30

It is. I mean, bless their hearts, teenagers. It's hard, hard enough anyway. And, you know, your parents no teenager wants to be around their parents, but you can still say you love them all day long and they know that you that they're loved.

SPEAKER_00 25:43

Yeah, yeah, and that's so important. You know, I think we maybe it's tempting to gloss over that fact, but being loved and accepted for however awkward or weird or you know, uh uncommunicative that teenager is um or you know, preteen, it's an important foundation to lay. And then the other tips make more sense, the other um, you know, tech tips about access and communication. But if you don't have that foundation of love and acceptance, I would imagine the other w tips would be hard to implement.

SPEAKER_02 26:21

Yeah, absolutely. And I mean, one thing that we'll do with kids too, because they're always gonna be ahead of us with technology. And like you said, we learn one app and then the next day there's another app. So another technique that we encourage with parents is have kids show you technology.

SPEAKER_00 26:39

Oh, that's good. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 26:41

And set the ground rules when they first get the technology and explain the dangers that things online are permanent. Um your online reputation is permanent. So any photos that go out there, anything that you do, it can be used against you well into the future. I mean, that's one thing that I talk about with um sexting and sex tortion and sharing naked images, is that that kind of abuse can almost be more traumatic than in-person abuse, because in addition to that abuse, you also have that plate that's spinning in the back of your head all the time about when is that image going to show up again and where is that image and who's seen that image. And so just adding that on, and talking to kids about that that is a real possibility, I think is huge.

SPEAKER_00 27:40

That is not something I thought about, but you're I could absolutely see where that would be the case. So many adults say to kids, well, that could affect your uh like a job interview one day. And as you were describing what it feels like to always have that looming over your head, I was imagining a kid not caring about a job interview, but they care a lot about being embarrassed. So the threat of this little Johnny, little Susie, this could embarrass you for your whole life. It doesn't go away. Permanence is such a hard concept for kids, but I think um, especially those preteens and teens, they know about some embarrassment.

SPEAKER_02 28:23

They do. Yeah. And it's out of your control. As soon as it's online, it's out of your control. There's no way to reel that back.

SPEAKER_00 28:30

No, there's not. When it comes to um just trafficking prevention, as we wrap up, are there any other thoughts or you know, statistics or anything else that you want to share?

SPEAKER_02 28:43

Um, the average age of entry into trafficking, I believe, is between I think it's actually 12 years old is the the age of entering into trafficking. So again, it goes back to if you think that your child's too young to learn about it, they're not. Um so talking about that very often, talking about that it doesn't look like the movie taken, and that it's it truly is someone that is going to ingratiate themselves to you and give you gifts or give you access to drugs or things that um are enjoyable in the moment, but then that spirals. Um and I think all adults need to be comfortable because we are all mandated reporters. Anyone in the state of Florida that's 18 and up is a mandated reporter of suspected child abuse and trafficking. So you call that 1-800-96 abuse hotline and report it. Um, but just parents keep an eye out for any any an unexplained gifts or changes in behavior. Any I hate that it's so broad, but any change in behavior can be an indicator of abuse or trafficking.

SPEAKER_00 29:55

Just being really present and mindful, which is hard to do when parents are busy and you know, playing bus driver and taxi driver and doing all the things. But I think all of those opportunities, or all those moments could be opportunities as well to check in with your kid and and listen a little bit more and get the support that you need as a parent to listen. You know, I think parents put too much pressure on themselves that maybe could be alleviated in some other ways. So I'm happy that Gulf Coast Kids House provides some of those resources. So as we close, can you tell them the link again to for the no child abuse safety course?

SPEAKER_02 30:35

Um so it's a 40-minute free online course and it's no child abuse, kno-w, childabuse.org. And it's free training. And you know, now's a great time to sit down with your child because you said adults are not always the best listeners because we have a lot going on. So now is the time to sit down with your child and identify those five safe adults together. That way, if you're not being a great listener, they've got four other people to go to.

SPEAKER_00 31:02

I love that. Thank you. This was awesome.

SPEAKER_01 31:04

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 31:08

Voices United in Education is a production of Escambia County School District. Special thanks to Pine Forest High School for their recording studio facilities and hospitality.